Friday, December 22, 2017

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 115 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

Watch this, then go home and watch Winter's Bone.  As you wonder to yourself if rural Missouri could possibly be like this, allow me to assure you that it is.  It absolutely is.

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)

Rated: PG-13 - Runtime: 152 excruciatingly long minutes
tesg's Rating: One and one half stars (out of four)

God this was boring.  No fun at all.  WAY too long.  This damn thing felt longer than that Blade Runner sequel.    It wasn't dumb, but it was painful.

Every time Kylo Ren appears on screen, I SO want to hear Morrissey music playing under him.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Coco (2017)

Rated: PG - Runtime: 109 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

This is one of Pixar's better original efforts recently.  They do a good job of laying out the whole Day of the Dead nonsense and providing beautiful and colorful visuals.  The story pretty much follows the Pixar template but has more of their classic wit than I remember in more recent efforts.  But when it goes dark, it goes dark.

They could have wrapped it up about ten minutes before they did, but Pixar always seems to feel the need to stretch out endings for some dumb reason.

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Lady Bird (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 93 min
tesg's Rating: Three and one half stars (out of four)

This is a GREAT high school dark comedy with a TON of scenes shot rapid fire with not a piece of dialogue wasted. Visuals are just as effectively used to tell the story.

There were times where this movie reminded me of Napoleon Dynamite, times where it reminded me of Silver Linings Playbook, and times where it reminded me of any Hal Hartley feature. I was at four stars on this until the wishy-washy end, but that doesn't stop this from being my favorite movie of the year so far.

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Justice League (2017)

Rated: PG-13 - Runtime: 119 min
tesg’s Rating: Three stars (out of four)

Not much to complain about here. It’s a minute shy of two hours, the usual DC brooding is kept to a minimum, and there’s legit humor, especially from The Flash, who has nothing to do with the television series Flash because who needs continuity.

The post-credit scene us a significant teaser for the pretty much guaranteed sequel.

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

Rated: PG-13 - Runtime: 130 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

My favorite part of this movie was when they threw out the plot twist of the second movie that was clearly designed to set up the third right at the start, because everything about the second movie deserved to be shit on.

Saturday, October 21, 2017

Professor Marston and the Wonder Women (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 108 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

Based on the true story of Wonder Woman creator William Moulton Marston, his wife, and their girlfriend.  The movie depicts the creation and development of Wonder Woman partly through Marston's wildly progressive for the era championing of women, and partly through kinks, notably light bondage, which the three explored.  (Allegedly.  Living family members claim it's all nonsense.)

There are some really beautiful well shot erotic scenes in this without resorting to nudity, and the three primary characters do their roles well.  Kind of sad nobody's going to this.  Even sadder to think a good chunk of people championing this year's "Wonder Woman" movie as a feminist breakthrough would be horrified by this.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Blade Runner 2049 (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 164 freaking minutes?!?!?!?
tesg's Rating: Two and one half stars (out of four)

If you're going to see this, take a nap first.  Then drink about six cups of coffee.  Then buy the biggest caffeinated cola the snack bar sells, the one with the refill.  Okay!  Now you're ready to be bored out of your mind while watching super impressive visuals.

There's a decent story here, but it could have been told in 100 minutes instead of 164.  And the majority of the crowd seemed to be less than impressed with the ending.

Saturday, September 16, 2017

mother! (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 120 min
tesg's Rating: Zero stars (out of four)

This movie is perfect for those who:
  • Really hate religion and love to mock it
  • Really hate women and love to both mentally and physically abuse them
  • Really really really really love the male ego at its worst
For everyone else, this movie is a disgusting, sickening abomination that should have never been made.

Wind River (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 110 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

Beautifully shot in the desolate snowy West.  The plot unfolds nicely with the resolution coming abruptly, yet perfectly weaved in.

It could end up being my choice for movie of the year not so much because it's that good, but because the competition this year has been that weak.

It (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 135 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

I probably should have gone two and a half, but the feel of this was so Spielberg 80's that it just worked for me.  I mean, it's a horror flick and all, but it's more than that with the advanced development of the kids characters and their relationships.

Sunday, August 27, 2017

The Hitman's Bodyguard (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 111 min
tesg's Rating: Two and one half stars (out of four)

This has some really really awesome action and chase sequences.  The problem is when said sequences aren't happening.  That's when the pace and dialogue feel like something Paul Feig would put together for Melissa McCarthy.

Just not a good combination.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Logan Lucky (2017)

Rated: PG-13 - Runtime: 119 min
tesg's Rating: Two and one half stars (out of four)

There's a joke in the movie where they refer to the heist as "Ocean's 7-11". That pretty well sums it up. It's a low-rent take on something we've seen before from the same director.

But it's brain-dead fun that has strong potential to become a classic with rednecks.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Annabelle: Creation (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 109 min
tesg's Rating: Two and one half stars (out of four)

Horror movies tend to be kind of formulaic and best stand out with visuals and sound.  That's pretty much the case here.  Nothing terribly original, but the sound and visuals do a lot to make up for that.

Friday, July 28, 2017

A Ghost Story (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 90 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

This may be the loneliest damn ghost movie ever made.  The story is told from the ghost's perspective.  It's largely told visually, long stretches of the movie pass by with no dialogue.

Stark, lonely, and...well...hauntingly beautiful.

Atomic Blonde (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 115 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

Set in Cold War-era Berlin with a satire-level 80's dressing. Charlize Theron is awesome in every scene she's in (and she's in pretty much every scene).  The pulsing 80's soundtrack will have you reliving your MTV childhood while the blood and bullets fly.

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

The Big Sick (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 120 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

A Pakistani dates a white girl, they break up because he can't have a future with her without his family disowning him, she ends up in an induced coma, and he...awakens.  It's loosely based on the actual relationship of the star and his real life wife, who co-wrote this.

Ray Romano and Holly Hunter, who play Emily's parents, are amazing in this.  Probably the best romantic comedy in a couple of years.  Even through the serious parts, there's humor.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

War for the Planet of the Apes

Rated: PG-13 - Runtime: 139 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

I won't really go into the plot (hint...there's a war, sort of) but will say there's a lot going on that is methodically unveiled in an unusually cohesive fashion. Aside from a completely unnecessary Jar Jar Binks comedy relief character, this is a pretty intelligent and often touching movie.

Monday, July 10, 2017

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Rated: PG-13 – Runtime: 134 min
tesg’s Rating: Two stars (out of four)

Spider-Man was one of my favorite superheroes growing up, and I loved the first two Tobey Maguire movies.  Those of you calling “Homecoming” the best Spider-Man movie really need to go back and revisit those.  This thing is just mediocre fluff.

Monday, July 3, 2017

Baby Driver (2017)

Rated: R – Runtime: 113 min
tesg’s Rating: Three stars (out of four)

A tribute of sorts to heist speed chase getaway car movies of the seventies.  Really well shot and perfectly matched to the beat of the soundtrack.  Gets unnecessarily dark towards the end and somehow gets a chick flick ending, but still pretty great.

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Cars 3 (2017)

Rated: G – Runtime: 109 min
tesg’s Rating: Three stars (out of four)

Lightning suffers a loss in confidence as he ages amidst a pack of new advanced technology cars.  He refuses to give up, his sponsor sells out to a billionaire who can afford to invest in ridiculous training facilities, this doesn’t work, Lightning takes his own path, and girls rule.

In the end, I liked it way more than I thought I would.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Wonder Woman (2017)

Rated: PG-13 - Runtime: 141 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

Supposedly Joss Whedon wrote a Wonder Woman script, but Warner shot it down because Whedon would have come up with something fun and likable, which is strictly forbidden in DC movies. So instead we get a World War 1-era opus that feels like it's longer than the Twin Peaks revival. Still, all of it is good, especially the advancing the front scene. And there are moments that somehow slipped by the DC anti-fun censors.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Alien: Covenant (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 122 min
tesg's Rating: Two and one half stars (out of four)

It was visually spectacular, but full of dumb men ignoring the advice of the women, slimy aliens, and backstabbing androids. A friend on Facebook said "it's like Alien's plot with Aliens' action in Prometheus's setting."

Yeah, okay.

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 (2017)

Rated: PG-13 - Runtime: 136 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

Well.  That was fun.

Saturday, April 15, 2017

The Fate of the Furious (2017)

Rated: PG-13 - Runtime: 136 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

They've been promoting this as being "darker".  Vin Diesel even said "We had to go darker."  Riiight.  This is SO MUCH FUN. A high-budget grindhouse feature with Kurt Russell providing the grindhouse cred.  Johnson and Statham's one-up jibes and threats at each other are so hilarious that, at one point, THEY crack up.

There's one or two downers along the way, but a Guy Richie-type plot twist and tons of stupid ridiculous and WAY entertaining action makes up for it.

My favorite movie franchise did not disappoint.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Get Out (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 103 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

This borrows more from "The Stepford Wives" than the Nicole Kidman-Bette Midler remake did, and with FAR better results.  It takes a different direction in the end, but WOW did they nail the creepy factor.

The original "Stepford Wives" is one of my favorite thriller...horror? genre movies, so I seriously dug this.

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Logan (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 135 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

The best, if not saddest, of the Wolverine movies.

Monday, February 13, 2017

John Wick, Chapter 2 (2017)

Rated: R - Runtime: 122 min
tesgs Rating: Two stars (out of four)

The sequel finds Wick fulfilling a marker. Remember that short-lived Richard Grieco TV series "The Marker?" Yeah. The best scene in the movie is where he fulfills that marker. The rest is uninspired fight scene after fight scene after fight scene against colorful backdrops

You know who does this better and makes it more fun every week? "Arrow" on the CW.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

The Lego Batman Movie (2017)

Rated: PG - Runtime: 104 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

Remember that song from "The Lego Movie" where everything is awesome and everything is cool when your part of a team?  The 'part of a team' part is the deal here.  Or at least teaching Batman how to work with others.  And while not quite as clever as The Lego Movie, it's still pretty great.

There's still in my mind no need for a Batman who isn't Adam West, but I'd watch this again over any of the other movies.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

The Founder (2017)

Rated: PG-13 - Runtime: 115 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

Ray Kroc was a complete douchebag who not only screwed Richard and Maurice McDonald out of future royalty payments after buying the company from them, he screwed them out of their own name.  This is the story of their relationship.  It ends before things like the Big Mac and big locations with dining rooms.

Michael Keaton does a fine job as Kroc, but from his first sales pitch I found myself thinking how fantastic this movie would have been if they'd put Christopher Walken in the lead. Sure it would make this thing a cartoon, but it would have been hilarious.