Sunday, April 28, 2019

Avengers: Endgame (2019)

Rated: PG-13 - Runtime: 182 min
tesg’s Rating: Three stars (out of four)

God, this thing goes on forever. It just goes and goes and goes some more. Just like Infinity War. But at least it’s more fun and has a real ending. Oh, and an actual war.

For the core Marvel geeks, this movie is like the greatest multiple orgasm sex ever. For the rest of us, it’s understandable, often fun, sometimes touching, sometimes showing blatant plot holes, but you won’t be mad you came. You probably won’t want to sit through it again though.

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Hellboy (2019)

Rated: R - Runtime: 121 min
tesg’s Rating: Two stars (out of four)

Anyone who hasn’t gotten the memo that Guillermo del Toro and Ron Perlman aren’t involved shouldn’t take more than ten seconds into this to be slapped in the face with that reality.  That’s about the point where the narrator uses the phrase “pissed off”.  Stay classy, narrator.  I’d be amused to see people walk out at that point.

The movie does have the basic Hellboy characteristics.  His snark is there and there’s lots of mythical creatures and battles and plot twists and stuff, but it’s all far simplier and less interesting than it would have been with del Toro.  The whole thing plays to an 80’s metal soundtrack, which is really really fitting.

Thursday, April 4, 2019

Shazam! (2019)

Rated: PG-13 - Runtime: 132 min
tesg's Rating: Three stars (out of four)

We start off with one hella confusing back story that didn't become clear to me until about an hour into the movie. Not sure if that was by design or I just missed the point. A good chunk of the movie is Shazam and his foster brother using his powers for...well...buying beer and buskering for tips. But eventually, the focus is on the bad guy and the importance of family.

I think all ages of the masses will eat his up, similar to the Jumanji crowd. It isn't quite as well done as that, but it's funny, touching, and in one particular scene, incredibly heartbreaking.